I Hear You Calling Page 13

  Rae

  The supermarket was almost empty, that’s the beauty of late night shopping. It took me about half an hour to throw everything I needed into the wonky-wheeled trolley and get to the cash desk. No queue – great joy.

  I was loading the bags into the back of the car on the multi-storey car park when I saw Jim. He was leaning against a concrete post to my left, just watching me.

  It freaked me out – I wondered how many other times he had followed me and I just hadn’t noticed? A red heat rose up from my gut and filled my head and suddenly I was furious.

  ‘Do you have nothing better to do? Don’t you think you should get a life of your own and leave mine alone?’

  The bastard just smiled at me. He was loving this.

  Turning my back on him, I loaded the rest of the shopping into the car and got into the driver’s seat without even looking back.

  Putting the car into first gear I began to pull out of the parking space. Jim stepped in front of the bonnet. Now what? Did I run him over? Oh, how I wanted to run him over. He blew me a kiss and then walked away.

  He was eating away at me, slowly and surely; nibbling at the edges of my life in subtle ways that couldn’t be proved. Just like he had always done and I was reacting just as I had always done.

  And that’s when I decided to ask Tom to explain more to me about this personal responsibility thing.

  Tom

  I was really surprised when Rae rang me and asked to walk the dogs together, but I guessed she really wanted to talk about the Banks’ with me. I hope I didn’t show my shock when I saw her; she had dark circles under her eyes like she hadn’t got much sleep the night before and although she had obviously combed her hair it wasn’t looking sleek and clean like I had seen it before. I am guessing that Rae was in her late thirties but that morning she looked ten years older.

  But the biggest surprise was that she really wanted to ask me more about personal responsibility.

  As we walked I explained that, as Spiritualists, we do not believe in a Saviour who can just wipe away our sins or misdemeanours; we recognise that we have to be responsible for own lives and actions. We can’t play the blame game as so many people do, we have to acknowledge and respond to our actions and reactions constantly and be held accountable for them.

  ‘Over the years,’ I told her, ‘I have had a few people accuse me of being a Spiritualist because it makes life easy, knowing that there is more than this. That is so far from the truth; taking personal responsibility makes this life much harder.’

  Rae was quiet for a while then, obviously considering what I had said and I thought that would be an end to our conversation.

  But then she asked, ‘How do you go about doing that? How would you start? I mean, let’s say you knew you were reacting to something badly and you needed to change it. What would you do first?’

  And that is when I realised that she was asking from more than a general curiosity.

  Now, I may be a Spiritualist but I am not a medium or a psychic and I learned later that I had got this one wrong! I thought she was referring to the situation with Chris Banks when I asked her: ‘Is there anything specific in your mind, Rae?’

  She blushed as she answered: ‘No, it just interests me,’

  ‘Well, I would say that this hypothetical person has already taken the first step. They realise that their reaction is not helpful and that it needs to change. The next step would be acknowledging why they are reacting in that way – what is it about themselves that makes them do it? Are they, perhaps, afraid of something they can’t see or understand? When they know why they are responding in that way then they can work on changing it. Decide how they would like to respond instead and try doing it.’

  ‘Is it really as simple as that?’ she asked.

  I laughed then.

  ‘Just try doing it and you’ll see it sounds much easier than it is to really do.’

  Rae

  I really did think hard about what Tom had told me to do. For some daft reason it felt right to light candles before I started.

  Taking a deep breath I asked myself – “Why do I react to Jim the way I do?”

  Words and phrases scrambled into my brain and swam around like tadpoles.

  “I’m scared.” “Not safe.” “Fear.” “Distrust.” “Past experience.” “Hurt.”

  “Feel stupid.” “Uncertainty.’

  Wow – of course I knew all of this before but to face it all at once in this way was quite overpowering. If I take notice of this stuff I had to accept that around Jim I felt and acted like a weak, fearful stupid person. I wanted to be the exact opposite. Strong, confident, brave and intelligent. Now I just had to do it……………

  ‘I don’t know why I am surprised,’ Jen said when I called her later, ‘I shouldn’t be really ‘cos we know Jim’s a real ratbag. So, did you try this personal responsibility thing?’

  ‘I did,’ I admitted. ‘I know it’s probably a load of psycho-babble but let’s face it, it can’t really make things any worse can it?’

  ‘Let me know how it goes, I may need to do some myself.’

  ‘You? You are so organised and safe and steady. What can you need it for?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t really, it’s just that Mark has been acting strange these last few weeks that’s all. It seems like he isn’t comfortable spending time with me anymore.’

  ‘Work pressure?’ I suggested.

  ‘Very likely. So what is new with the boy medium?’

  …………………….

  The next morning all other thoughts were pushed from my mind when I heard from Mike at Bailey Brook. Although he sounded far from happy he told me that, following long discussions, he had been persuaded by his deputy, Lisa, to give Richard a go; that there would, of course, be conditions, which he would outline at the meeting that he wanted me to attend along with Richard and his parents.

  Relief flooded through me like air being released from a balloon. At last, a way forward.

  Richard

  So, Mum tells me the news about my new school we are both laughing and hugging each other. She says that we have to go for a look around and a meeting there on Thursday.

  ‘Can I go and tell Tom?’ I am already putting my trainers on as I ask.

  Mum laughs really loud, ‘I think you’d better take your pyjamas off first.’

  I am getting dressed when I hear it. Why are they still rowing when it’s all going to be alright now?

  ‘What do you mean, I shouldn’t come? What are you saying Janet?’

  ‘Sh, stop shouting Chris, Richard will hear you.’

  ‘I don’t believe this, you think you can tell me not to attend a meeting that is essential to the well-being of my own child – who the hell do you think you are woman?’

  ‘I’m your wife but I am also the mother of that child. It’s so important that this meeting goes well on Thursday and I just thought it might be easier if you let me handle this one.’

  ‘You are suggesting that I would make things bad for Richard.’ Dad’s voice has suddenly gone quiet.

  ‘Not deliberately, of course not,’ Mum says. ‘But you do get very worked up about things and then, like all of us, you don’t necessarily say the best things when you are in that state.’

  ‘Well, thank you for the vote of confidence. It is good to know where I stand at last.’

  ‘Chris, please, just calm down and think about what I am saying. I am not saying this to hurt you.’

  ‘Really? Well believe me you are doing a damn good job of destroying the very little self-belief I have left.’

  ‘I have to think about Richard.’

  ‘And you think I don’t.’

  ‘For God’s sake Chris, just forget I spoke. Come to the meeting.’

  ‘I intend to come to the meeting Janet, but I
won’t be able to forget what you said.’

  I sit on the edge of my bed waiting for them to stop before I go downstairs.

  It goes on and on and on until, in the end, I creep downstairs and quietly out through the front door. They are still shouting in the kitchen.

  Rae

  ‘We have given this a lot of consideration,’ Mike Arrowsmith told us he ushered us into his office. ‘My governors are rightly cautious about us taking Richard onto our role,’ he warned, ‘and, I will be honest with you Mr and Mrs Banks, it was my deputy Lisa who persuaded us to give it a go.’

  I threw a grateful smile in the deputy’s direction as Mike continued.

  ‘We will take you on a trial period young man.’ Mike turned a stern gaze upon Richard, who looked frightened to death. ‘If you can manage to go a whole four weeks without anything happening then we will make your place here permanent. Do you understand what that means?’

  Richard nodded.

  Lisa smiled at the child. ‘You will be in my class Richard, and I am sure we will get on just fine.’

  I thought it was all going extremely well when I heard a small rumbling that grew into the angry voice I had come to know, and dread.

  ‘Why is he on trial? He isna’ a criminal.’

  I saw Janet reach out and place her hand onto Chris’s arm, but he wouldn’t be calmed.

  ‘It’s just terminology Mr Banks,’ Lisa turned a charming smile in his direction.

  ‘Obviously we will all need time to see if it is going to work out, Richard as well. I don’t think it will be the case but he might not like it and he might not want to stay here. A trial is always a two-way arrangement.’

  To my utter astonishment Chris’ face relaxed. He nodded.

  ‘Makes sense when you put it like that.’

  If I was surprised Janet was amazed. Her small face lit up as she smiled a silent thank you to the deputy.

  My spirits lifted then. Maybe we had found someone who could handle Chris and just maybe things would be ok.

  ‘Would you like to look around the school now Richard?’ Lisa offered him her hand and, bless him, he took it instantly and happily went off with her.

  Janet looked ten years younger as she watched her son leave the room, and I realised then just how badly all of this had been affecting her.

  ‘His year group is away on a camping trip next week,’ Mike said. ‘So we will expect Richard to start the following Monday.’

  ‘Thank you so much, Mr Arrowsmith,’ Janet said. Then, turning to me, ‘And Rae, thank you too. You have been so helpful.’

  A brief, dark scowl crossed her husband’s face as she spoke, and from my own past experience, I recognised the hidden message it contained.

  “He’s not happy with you Janet,” I thought. “There’ll be a row in that house later.”

  Richard

  My new teacher is called Mrs Tighe. It’s a funny name and it doesn’t sound like it looks when you see it written down. When you say it you say “tie” but when it’s written down it looks like Tiggy. She thinks it’s funny too.

  She laughs a lot, not like Miss Granger at Springhill, she never even smiled.

  Mr Arrowsmith is a bit scary though. He has these great big black eyebrows that look like caterpillars and when he talks they moved. Mrs Tighe says he is really nice when you get to know him.

  They are all going camping; I wish I could go with them but Mrs Tighe says there will be other trips I can go on.

  Me and Mum have a McDonald’s for tea to celebrate. Dad says he’s not hungry. He goes for a walk and me and Mum eat our burgers while we watch The Simpsons on TV.

  Then we laugh, ‘cos we haven’t thought before about Rae being called Simpson. Then Mum says if you put my new teacher’s first name to Rae’s surname you would have Lisa Simpson. That’s really funny.

  ………………

  I hear the front door close and Dad’s heavy footsteps on the stairs. I know they will row again but I don’t want to hear it so I put my headphones on and shove my head under the duvet.

  I am dreaming that I am playing football for the school team. I am the best striker and everybody is shouting my name as I run up to the ball to take a shot at the goal.

  “Richard, Richard, Richard,” they chant.

  And then it changes and it isn’t the crowd, its Dad whispering in my ear.

  ‘Richard, don’t speak, just wake up.’

  Then he starts going around my room and chucking clothes and stuff into a carrier bag.

  ‘What are you doing Dad?’

  ‘Shh...don’t wake your mother. She has a bad headache.’

  He’s pushing a load of socks and pants into the bag now.

  ‘Are you doing the washing?’ I whisper. I have never known Dad to do the washing. I didn’t know he knew how to work the machine.

  ‘Get dressed quickly and shut up.’ He throws my jeans and sweatshirt over to me.

  ‘Don’t put your shoes on yet, put them on outside.’

  I have no idea what we are up to but I can tell that Dad is serious so I do what he says without making another sound.

  ‘Where’s the car?’ I whisper as he gently closes the front door behind us.

  ‘Down the street,’ he whispers back. ‘We don’t want to wake your mother up with the engine. Her headache is really bad and she needs to sleep.’

  ‘Where are we going Dad?’

  ‘On a little holiday.’ He looks at me then and smiles.

  ‘Can’t we wait till Mum can come with us?’

  ‘She will come to us soon, when she feels better. Now get in the car and stop asking questions. It’s an adventure.’

  He even lets me sit in the front seat, the one that only Mum sits in normally.

  ‘This is fun Dad,’ I tell him as I fasten the seat belt. ‘But how will Mum get to us without the car?’

  He looks a bit angry then.

  ‘Stop worrying about your mother, there are such things as taxi’s you know.’

  ‘O.K Dad.’

  I settle back to enjoy the adventure but as the car begins to move I feel really tired again and go back to sleep.

  Rae

  Tom’s voice was really strained over the telephone and I could picture the furrow that must be eating its way into his brow as he spoke.

  ‘I need to speak with you face to face. Can you meet me for lunch at Roxie’s Tea Room in the High street at one?’

  I had often walked past Roxie’s and thought how quaint it looked but had never ventured inside its chintzy hallows before today. As I walked through the door with its traditional chiming bell I heard Tom call my name. He rose from the corner table he had obviously chosen for its capacity for private conversation and signalled me over. Tom’s face was drawn and his shoulders were hunched. Before I could ask him what was wrong the waitress appeared to take our order.

  Having ordered freshly cut sandwiches and a pot of strong coffee for two Tom leaned in towards me and spoke quietly.

  ‘Chris has taken Richard. He took him out of his bed in the night. I still can’t get my head around it.’ He shook his head then as if to clear his thoughts.

  I could feel the shocked look on my face, I knew that my mouth had fallen open and I could feel my eyes popping.

  ‘Where has he gone?’

  ‘Nobody knows. Even Janet has no idea where they are. Chris sent her a text message at six this morning saying Richard is with him. He said he is going to do the right thing by him because no one else is going to.’

  This story was getting crazier by the minute.

  ‘But Richard has a new school now,’ was all I could think to say.

  ‘Janet reckons that was the final straw. She said Chris got really upset because he felt stitched up.’

  ‘Poor Janet must be out of her mind
with worry.’

  ‘We have both been trying to call him all morning but his mobile is switched off.’

  ‘Shouldn’t she call the police? I asked.

  ‘I suggested that.’ Tom broke off speaking as the waitress arrived at the table with a large plate of delicious looking ham sandwiches and the coffee. Suddenly I had lost my appetite but I gratefully poured myself a cup of the strong, hot liquid. Tom attacked a sandwich with gusto, explaining that he had not had breakfast due to his dash over to Janet’s house so early. After a few bites he continued his sentence:

  ‘Janet doesn’t want to involve the police at this stage – she is hoping that Chris will bring the boy back of his own accord. She is worried sick about Richard but she is more worried for Chris’s mental health and what the police might do to him.’

  ‘Could he have gone to relatives?’

  ‘She doesn’t think he would go to his parents as they would ask too many awkward questions. The way Chris is thinking at the moment who knows where he might go.’

  ‘So she is just going to sit and wait?’

  ‘For the moment. If she has not heard anything by tomorrow I will have another go at her about ringing the police.’ Tom took a further bite of his freshly made sandwich. ‘This is delicious, you should eat something.’

  ‘I don’t think I could right now. Suddenly I feel quite sick.’

  Tom put the remains of his food down quickly, as if my comment had made him feel bad for having an appetite. He looked like a guilty four year old.

  ‘Please eat. Janet is going to need you to be in full strength.’

  His large hand greedily reached out and picked the bread up again.

  ‘You’re right of course,’ he munched.